How to Pay a Woman a Compliment

(The following is adapted from a good source; namely, Chris Legg.  I've thrown in some extra tidbits of my own for good measure!  May it bless you guys!)

Compliments

“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” Sophia Loren – Women and Beauty

Guidelines

1. Use details – women communicate in subtle ways, so the more specific the compliment, the better. In other words, the greatest compliment to you might be “Hey, you look great!” It wouldn’t be the best for her. Instead, comment on her scent, her earrings, or her eye shadow.

I used to keep a sticky note above my visor when I was dating Christine (my wife) that had written on it “earrings, lipstick, shoes, toenails.” Then when I saw her I would sometimes remember to do a quick scan of those kinds of details and then compliment one of them. Do this with non-physical compliments too. “Wow, I was so impressed when you knew that answer – I had no idea!” Watch, listen, notice, compliment. Be frequent – women are often not very “constant” in their assumption of your love, belief in them, and attraction to them.

As Shaunti Feldhahn (whose marriage books are just about the best out today, in my opinion) notes in chapter 1 of For Men Only, when you say “I do” your wife quickly begins to wonder “Do you?” (I am not kidding, men, get this book and read it if you haven’t.) “But,” you ask, “if I compliment her too often, won’t she get used to them and stop really hearing them?” I answer: “Yes, and you should be proud when that happens. God forbid that our wives not think of compliments about her beauty, poise, elegance (use these, for example), mystery, intelligence, and attractiveness as a given from us!”

2. Read to understand -- Women often write books. Even more often, experts of all kinds write books and then our wives read them. Often, they read them, highlight sections, underline passages, dog-ear pages, and then give them to us as a gift. I know we aren’t always the most insightful gender in the world, but you would think that even we would catch this hint. If you haven’t, begin to read all those marriage books that she bought hoping that you would read. Comment and ask questions on what she has marked, or better yet, just apply them. She will take this as a compliment. Often, the greatest compliment she can get from you is to be given by you the power to influence your thinking. This is why “listening” falls into this category too. “But Art, I am really not a reader,” you say. I don’t really hate to be blunt about this, but I will fake it to make it...sorry guys, looks like it's time to put on your big girl panties and start reading. If you just cannot read at all, buy an audio book or download an audio stream online.

Do you need a list? Ok, I will post that too, if I haven’t already. Remind me if I forget. By the way, these apply to more than just your wife. Your daughters, and to the degree it is appropriate, other women in your life need compliments from Godly men too. This next one, however, if for your wife only:

3. Don’t just compliment her sexual parts (NEVER compliment another woman’s sexual parts at all) -- I agree that my wife’s breasts are one of the best examples of God’s unlimited artistry, and the female form is stunning in its beauty … and notice that I didn’t say NOT to compliment her sexual parts – she usually really appreciates that too, if in the right setting and company – but don’t get in the habit of only paying attention to only those parts (yes, this means touching too, but I will explain that more in a future post).

I know that you see her as one whole package, but she probably doesn’t. She probably divides out her sexuality from the rest of her identity. When you compliment her sexually, you think you are targeting what matters most, but she may think you aren’t mentioning her at all! Ok, these are some quick and simple guidelines – so let’s get out there are start complimenting our women! Maybe someday they can learn to see themselves as the wondrous treasure that they are eternally in God’s eyes … or at the very least they will believe that we see them that way!

Thinking Theologically about Memorial Day

This is post probably has something to make everyone unhappy. But here goes.
With Memorial Day on Monday (in the U.S.) and, no doubt, a number of patriotic services scheduled for this Sunday, I want to offer a few theses on patriotism and the church. Each of these points could be substantially expanded and beg more detailed defense and explanation, but since this is a blog and not a term paper, I'll try to keep this under 1500 words.

1. Being a Christian does not remove ethnic and national identities.
In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, slave nor free (Gal. 3:28), but this does not mean men cease to be male or Jews ceases to be Jewish. The worshiping throng gathered around the throne is not a bland mess of Esperanto Christians in matching khaki pants and white polos. God makes us one in Christ, but that oneness does not mean we can no longer recognize tribes, tongues, nations, and peoples in heaven. If you don't have to renounce being an American in heaven, you shouldn't have to pretend you aren't one now.

2. Patriotism, like other earthly "prides," can be a virtue or vice.
Most people love their families. Many people love their schools, their home, and their sports teams. All of these loves can be appropriate. In making us for himself, God did mean to eradicate all other loves. Instead he wants those loves to be purer and in right proportion to our ultimate Love. Adam and Eve should have loved the Garden. God didn't intend for them to be so "spiritual" that they were blind to the goodness around them. In the same way, where there is good in our country or family it is right to have affection and display affection for those good things.

Of course, we can turn patriotism into an idol, just like family can be an idol. But being proud of your country (or proud to be an American or a Canadian or a Russian or whatever) is not inherently worse than being proud of your kids or proud to be a Smith or a Jones or a Dostoevsky. I find it strange that while it is fashionable to love your city, be proud of your city, and talk about transforming your city, it is, for some of the same people, quite gauche to love your country, be proud of your country, and talk about transforming your country.

3. Allegiance to God and allegiance to your country are not inherently incompatible.
Sometimes Christians talk like you should have no loyalty for your country, as if love for your country was always a bad thing. To be sure, this must never be ultimate loyalty. We must always obey God rather than men. But most Christians have understood the fifth commandment to be about honoring not only your parents but all those in authority over you.

Moreover, Jesus shows its possible to honor God and honor Caesar. This is especially clear if you know some of the Jewish history. The tax in question in Mark 12 is about the poll tax or census tax. It was first instituted in AD 6, not too many years before Jesus' ministry. When it was established a man by the name of Judas of Galilee led a revolt. According to Josephus, "He called his fellow countrymen cowards for being willing to pay tribute to the Romans and for putting up with mortal masters in place of God." Like the Zealots, he believed allegiance to God and allegiance to any earthly government were fundamentally incompatible. As far as they were concerned if God was your king, you couldn't have an earthly king.
But Jesus completely disagreed. By telling the people to "render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's" he was saying there are duties to government that do not infringe on your ultimate duty to God. It's possible to honor lesser authorities in good conscience because they have been instituted by a greater authority.

If you read all that the New Testament says about governing authorities in places like Romans 13 and 1 Peter 2, you see that the normal situation is one of compatible loyalties. The church is not the state and the state is not God, but this does not mean the church must always be against the state. In general, then, it's possible to be a good Christian and a good American, or a good Ghanaian or a good Korean. Patriotism is not bad. Singing your national anthem and getting choked up is not bad. Allegiance to God and allegiance to your country do not have to be at odds.

4. God's people are not tied to any one nation.
When Jesus says "go ahead and give to Caesar what belongs to him" he is effectively saying, "you can support nations that do not formally worship the one true God." Or to put it a different way: true religion is not bound with only one country. This means-as we see in Revelation 7 and Isaiah 49 and Psalm 87 and Matthew 28 and Acts 1 and a hundred other places-the Church will be transcultural and transnational.
While American churches are in America, they must never be only American churches. We must keep in mind (and when applicable, explicitly state) that our congregations are filled with brothers and sisters from all over the world. Likewise, we must work hard to help people see that Christianity is not just a Western religion or American religion. Christianity started in the Middle East and quickly spread to North Africa, and parts of Asia and Europe. The Church was always meant to be international. Today there are more Anglicans in church in Nigeria than in England, more Presbyterians in South Korea than in the United States. The promise to Abraham way back in Genesis is that through his family God would bless the whole world. Christianity is not tied to just one certain nation. Following Christ is not an ethnic thing. You can be from any country and worship Jesus.

5. All this leads to one final point: while patriotism can be good, the church is not a good place for patriotism.
We should pray for service men and women in our congregations. We should pray for the President. We should pray for the just cause to triumph over the evil one. We are not moral relativists. We do not believe just because all people are sinners and all nations are sinful that no person or no nation can be more righteous or more wicked than another. God may be on America's side in some (not all) her endeavors.
But please think twice before putting on a Star Spangled gala in church this Sunday. I love to hear the national anthem and "God Bless America" and "My Country, Tis of Thee," but not in church where the nations gather to worship the King of all peoples. I love to see the presentation of colors and salute our veterans, but these would be better at the Memorial Day parade or during a time of remembrance at the cemetery. Earthly worship should reflect the on-going worship in heaven. And while there are many Americans singing glorious songs to Jesus there, they are not singing songs about the glories of America.

 We must hold to the traditions of the Apostles in our worship, not the traditions of American history. The church should not ask of her people what is not required in Scripture. So how can we ask the Koreans and Chinese and Mexicans and South Africans in our churches to pledge allegiance to a flag that is not theirs? Are we gathered under the banner of Christ or another banner? Is the church of Jesus Christ-our Jewish Lord and Savior-for those draped in the red, white, and blue or for those washed in the blood of the Lamb?
In some parts of the church, every hint of patriotism makes you a jingoistic idolater. You are allowed to love every country except your own. But in other parts of the church, true religion blends too comfortably into civil religion. You are allowed to worship in our services as long as you love America as much as we do. I don't claim to have arrived at the golden mean, but I imagine many churches could stand to think more carefully about their theology of God and country. Churches should be glad to have their members celebrate Memorial Day with gusto this Monday. We should be less sanguine about celebrating it with pomp and circumstance on Sunday.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

...Actually, I don't.  I don't have a single clue.  However, I'm hoping at some point you were reading my blog!  Just wanted those who care to know that I am (finally) back in the game...after many headaches, some trials and tribulations, we finally have a functioning desktop PC again.  Look for me to be posting much more in the coming days!  Thanks to all for keeping up!  As always, I will keep you posted...

Review of "Road to Perdition"

After gorging myself on a variety of seemingly immature movies purchased from ex-rental DVD's, I figured the time was right for a bit of serious drama, and who better to provide than Sam Mendes? The creative mastermind behind 1999's award-winning (albeit controversial) "American Beauty" proves he is not a one-hit wonder with this, his sophmore effort.

For a number of reasons, "American Beauty" does not appeal to me as much as this film, which is easily the darkest thing that Tom Hanks has ever done, not to mention one of the most under-rated films of the past decade. For this is much more than a simple gangster tale lifted from its graphic novel origins, much more than a distant cousin to "The Godfather." Because of this, it is a joy to watch. Granted, Hanks has never been my favorite actor by any means (I still can't make it through "Big" without wanting to punch something), but trust me when I say that this is one of those
movies that will stay with you long after the closing credits.

Normally squeaky-clean Hanks plays Michael Sullivan, a devoted family man and father of two sons growing up during

To believe God can do something miraculous is one thing; to risk His willingness to do it in your life is another.

From My Quiet Time

Overcoming the Fear of Loneliness...

To overcome the fear of loneliness you must: (1) Understand who you are. Let scientists argue about whether or not there was a Big Bang. Even if there was, you were not the result of it! Nor did you descend from an amoeba in a pond. You are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14-15). You are "made in His [God's] own image (Ge 1:27). God did not assign your creation to His most powerful angels. You are a hands-on, made-to-order, one-of-a-kind product. As a redeemed child of God you are His "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works" (Eph 2:10 NIV). Believe that and stand on it--regardless of your feelings or your social status.

(2) Understand who God is! He calls Himself your "Heavenly Father," not just your creator and designer. Your creator and designer refer to what He does; your Father refers to who He is! "He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isa 9:6 NIV). These are not His roles, these are His proper names. They are capitalized in Scripture because they are what you are to call Him! When Jesus taught us to pray He didn't begin with "Oh omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God." Yes, He is all of those, but when it comes to relationship He wants to be recognized and to be called "Father" (see Mt. 6:9). That is how the Lord thinks about us, and wants us to think and to feel about Him. "Father" is meant to convey warmth, security, acceptance, concern, compassion, protection, assurance, etc. He is your Father--the sooner you grasp the truth of that statement, the sooner you will begin to overcome the fear of loneliness.

Suffering

Why does God allow good people to suffer? Questions like this often ring in our ears--and in our hearts. In Scripture we are confronted by the inscrutability of suffering. Simplistic solutions melt in the heat of human pain and then evaporate in the presence of Almighty God. The Bible obliterates the deep-seated prejudice that regards all suffering as evidence of individual sin and divine displeasure. Though human sinfulness in general is the root of all suffering, that does not imply that each person who suffers receives precisely what his or her actions deserve. Sometimes the righteous suffer; sometimes God appears to "smile on the schemes of the wicked" (Job 10:3 NIV).

The Word of God encourages us to be authentic in our communication with God. Sometimes we act as though God just is not big enough to handle our anger or disappointment with Him. On the contrary, the Lord welcomes complete honesty with Him (for other examples, see any of the imprecatory Psalms!) Like Jesus on the cross, there may be times when we ought to pray: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mk. 15:34).

The cross of Christ also presents God's final solution to the problem of suffering. God takes our suffering upon Himself in Jesus; the Righteous One bears what He does not deserve so that we who are unrighteous might receive the fullness of grace. We worship a God who does not answer all of our questions, but Who meets our deepest needs by offering Himself, His love and His salvation.

If thankfulness arises through prosperity, that's all well and good. But what are you going to do when the prosperity fails?  If thankfulness springs up through good health, wonderful. But what will you do when disease makes you bedridden? Must you then become angry, depressed or bitter? But now, suppose it is through our Lord Jesus that you cultivate the fine art of thanksgiving, then what? Then money in the bank, however useful, does not have you at its mercy. If you lose it, you can still offer thanks.