Review of "Piranhaconda" (2012)

"It's the offspring of an unholy union between a piranha and an anaconda."

"...You mean a piranhaconda?"

"...I can't believe you just said that!"

I can't believe I just watched that.

Actually, it's not that bad.  In fact, Piranhaconda gives you exactly what you'd expect from a Sy Fy Channel Original Movie produced by Roger Corman. Nothing more, nothing less. Notice, however, that I said "expect." "Expect" doesn't necessarily mean "Want."

Michael Madsen plays a herpetologist who finds a mythical giant snake in Hawaii. When he steals one of the beast's eggs, he incurs the wrath of the killer Piranhaconda. Madsen gets captured by a bunch of money-grubbing kidnappers who also have set their sights on holding a low-budget movie crew for ransom. Of course, the huge monster messes up their plans.

I have to give at least some credit where it's due: compared to most Sy Fy Channel Original Movies, this movie is a step (a slither?) above the rest. Again, this isn't Shakespeare but for the most part it delivers the gory goods. The titular antagonist is certainly something to see. Sadly, but not shockingly, the same cannot be said of Madsen.  He is clearly just picking up a paycheck here and he remains ostensibly bored throughout the picture.

Visually, it doesn't look too bad. With SyFy, you would expect hackneyed editing, scenery that doesn't give a sense of authenticity, dull lighting and awkward camera angles. In regard to those assets though, Piranhaconda is generally one of their better-looking movies. The editing and camera work is mostly focused and the scenery is striking. You'd also anticipate laughably awful special effects. On the other hand, the Piranhaconda looks alright, there are a few moments where it does look fake, but overall it delivers what the film promised(part-snake, part-fish, all killer), it does look menacing and the movements are less choppy than other SyFy creatures, in fact I was impressed at the amazing speed it moved at. My problem with the Piranhaconda wasn't to do with the design this time. It was to do with how it was developed, you don't find out much about its origin and how it came to be in the jungle.

My bottom line: if you're looking for high art you're obviously in the wrong place, but this movie does offer some good moments.  Good moments, however, doesn't stop its steam from running out before the final commercial break.