10 Things No One Tells You About Being a Dad

Before I became a Dad, I thought I would be a pretty good Dad.  After all, I grew up in a nice, Christian home.  I even read a couple Fatherhood books, and heard more than a few messages on Biblical parenting.  So I was set.  The children I would raise would be fortunate to have me as their father.

Then, a funny thing happened.  In 2009, I actually became a Dad for the first time.  First came Abagail, then Emma in 2012.  Now I'm a father of two and I know much less about parenting than I did before I became a parent.  I've realized that there are certain things about fatherhood you can only learn when you actually become a Dad.

Here are ten:

1) You are much less patient than you think you are.  Oh, you think you're a loving, patient, sweet peach of a man.  You'll be the guy playing dress-up for hours and carefully instructing your daughter how to ride her bike.  You'll never get short with your children and you'll always know the perfect balance between discipline and love.  Right.  Keep dreaming, my friend.  There's nothing like a live child in your midst to bring out your selfishness, anger and impatience.

2)  Many times you'll have absolutely no clue what to do.  But you still have to pretend you are in control.  Like when your three-year-old melts down in the grocery store.  The books say to do one thing, but there is always a certain paralysis that takes place when it's your little one kicking, screaming and not getting along with the shopping program.  Over time, you'll figure out your child and the best method, but there will be a lot of trial and error along the way.  Mostly error.

3)  You'll realize that minivans are secretly awesome.  Before I ever had children, before I was ever even married, I swore to my best friend on a stack of John Wayne collector's edition DVD's that I would never be seen behind the wheel of a minivan.  I have more than one childhood memory of the six of us stuffed like sardines in my family's used tan Plymouth Voyager.  Then we had our second child and I suddenly saw the awesomeness of minivans.  As stated above, I now have two children and our Mazda 5 just keeps getting cooler.  So cool, in fact, that it's not a minivan anymore.  I have re-christened it the Swagger Wagon.  You can go for long trips and play DVDs.  You can fold the third row seating down to be able to haul large pieces of furniture that your wife finds listed on Craigslist that she thinks you need.  Trust me on this one.  As soon as child #2 comes, you'll find yourself wandering over to CarMax.com to compare the best prices on minivans.

4)  You'll probably never get six continuous hours of good sleep ever again.  And even if you do, you'll never admit it because it will make your wife mad for the broken-up sleep she got when she got up at 1AM to take care of the teething child.  Dads perfect the art of pretending like they are stone-cold sleepers who can't be easily woken.  But really you're just trying to keep your eyes closed long enough so she'll get up and take care of the situation.

5)  There are singular moments of joy so indescribable they can only be experienced.  There are moments of pride and joy that make every single hard-parenting experience seem easy.  There are times of closeness and love that will make your heart burst with rapture.  Sometimes I just sit back and look at my two children and cannot believe God allowed me to be their Dad.  If you're a Dad, you already know what I mean.

6) Your presence is more important than you know.  You may not think you're a good Dad.  You may not think you're all that useful around the house.  But your children need your presence more than you could possibly realize.  God wove fatherhood into the fabric of humanity.  Your consistency and your faithfulness to your wife and to your children will speak volumes to your children about the consistency and faithfulness of their Heavenly Father.

7)  You need to repeat the same words over and over again to your children.  It's not enough to just provide and to be present.  It's not enough to be a model Christian.  Your children must hear over and over again how much you love and accept them.  I try every single day to tell each one of my children that I love them.  There have been times (as recently as this morning) where I've flippantly said something to my oldest daughter and it completely crushed her feelings.  I've had to apologize and seek her forgiveness, and that of my wife as well.  My words matter.  Our words matter.

8)  You will watch less of your favorite shows or movies, play less video games, and will go out with your guy friends hardly ever, if at all.  But this is a good thing.  You are called to serve your family sacrificially.  This often means putting your selfish desires last.  This means not whining.  This means being strong when you want to be tired.  This means being soothing rather than sarcastic.  This means being the brave one when everyone else is terrified.  But if you see your family as your God-given mission, you will gladly give up these things for something better.  Your sacrifice and your presence are not options.  They are callings.

9)  You will embrace your paternal cluelessness as a gift from God.  The further I go into my fatherhood, the more I realize I need help being a good Dad.  I really don't have what it takes.  This is where I lean in, heavily, on my Heavenly Father.  The sooner we realize, as Dads, that we don't have what it takes to succeed, the sooner we'll seek God's help, both through His Word as well as from earthly fathers who can lend wisdom.  I've learned much from the small group I'm blessed to be involved in.  I've learned much from other more seasoned Dads in my church.  I've learned a lot from older Dads who've gone before.

10)  You will realize your ongoing need to repent, confess, apologize and forgive.  You will mess up, almost daily.  And so you will need to admit to your wife and to your children your mistakes and ask their forgiveness.  You will learn the underrated value of an apology, how quickly it earns you respect and attention.  You will have to forgive your children for their sins.  You will need to practice these as well with your wife.  In doing so, you will model to your children what the Christian life looks like.  It's not a life of perfection, but of brokenness, surrender and grace.