My Top Five "B" Movies of All Time

Greetings, all:

Per a good friend's suggestion, the following are what I consider in my humble opinion to be the five greatest "B" movies of all time (in no particular order).  Anyone who knows me well knows I adore all aspects of film and cinema, and will watch dang near anything I can get my eyes on (barring anything obscene, of course).  So without further ramblings, to my List we go:

No. 5:  "House of the Dead" (2003)

Why, Uwe Boll, why?!  An old friend and college room-mate of mine first introduced me to this celluloid disgrace, and I've regretted it ever since.  I can think of diseases I'd happily contract rather than being forced to watch this absolute piece of refuse.  No, really, it is THAT bad.  Acting?  My two-year-old has better acting skills...heck, Keanu Reeves from 1991 has better acting skills!  Plot?  Will not even go there.  Special effects?  Sure, if you like actual mid-90's video game footage spliced hand-in-hand during the movie because the so-called "writers" had a script with more holes than Swiss Cheese.  Bottom line:  AVOID AT ALL COSTS.  Don't say I didn't warn you.  Brings us to:

No. 4:  "The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies" (1964)

One of the most famous "B" movies ever made, mainly because of its legendary title, which is arguably the best thing about it. Look, this movie is bad, no doubt about it... but the question that should be asked obviously is, is this movie so bad, it's actually good?  This guy's opinion?  A resounding yes!

Ray Dennis Steckler lies somewhere between Ed Wood, Jr and Russ Meyer for me. Wood made laughably bad genre movies that have continued to fascinate because of their campy silliness. His movies are still tons of fun all these years later. Russ Meyer was certainly not incompetent, but he created bizarre movies populated with strange, sex obsessed characters, who found themselves involved in twisted, often indescribable plots spouting absolutely insane dialogue.  Mercifully, this film is right in the middle of such a grey area, so to speak.  Definitely worth a look...next up would be:

No. 3:  "Simon Sez" (1999)

Dennis Rodman in the lead role.  Dane Cook in the lead supporting role.  I think I just contracted some rare form of terminal illness just by having to type those last two sentences.  Not even worth my time, let alone any of yours.  In at the number Two spot is:

No. 2: "Evil Brain from Outer Space" (made-for-TV, 1965)

This movie seems to be edited together from episodes of a serial -- it jumps from sub-plot to sub-plot, and introduces a whole raft of new characters without developing any of them. It's Shin-Toho Studio's entry in the Superheroes from Space genre, which puts it side-by-side with those MST3K staples, "Invasion of the Neptune Men" and "Prince of Space".

Plot is thinner than Donald Trump's toupee, characters are laughable at best, dialog is instantly cheese due to this being a Japanese import.  Watch this with English dubbing, of course, to get the best effect.  If you really, truly want to waste a couple hours of your existence on this planet, I can think of no better way.  Finally, the creme de la creme of "B" movies, the one I humbly believe put them on the map, the Grandaddy of them all...drum roll please...

No. 1:  "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (1959)

This is very much one of those "it's so bad, it's good" scenarios.  Again, I first discovered this gem of cinema history while in my dorm with one of my best friends...we bought a (rare) DVD copy out of the fifty-cent bin at one of our local Dollar stores around that year's Halloween.  We were wanting to keep in the spirit (see what I did there?) of the Season, and I happened to notice that it was Bela Lugosi in the lead role.  However, it wasn't until we got back home that I realized upon closer inspection of the back cover that it actually said "Almost Starring Bela Lugosi."  In what is now one of the most infamous moves in all of film editing, because Lugosi passed away before true production could be completed, the film crew used the same stock footage of him throughout the entire movie.  Yes, you read that right...  I've never had so much fun with a B movie, before or since.  Poor production values, terrible acting, worse directing, and film dialog that must be heard to be believed all combine to make this, in my opinion, the absolute best of the worst movies ever made.  As an example of just how bad the production value is, in a scene where the alien UFO's are descending to invade Earth, you can literally see the fishing line the Gaffer is holding, which in turn is holding up the (and I swear I am not making this up) automobile hubcaps that are the "UFO's".  Simply (albeit unintentionally) brilliant!

Trust me, there is so much more I could list about "Plan 9" that it truly deserves it's own blog...just know that this is a must-see in B movie history, and it deserves and to this day earns its place atop my list of the "Worst of the Worst".